Where do you click on defrag for Real Life?
She resolves not to sweat the little stuff, to focus only on the things that really matter,
and not to judge people harshly because you never know what's going on in their lives. Meanwhile,
she's reeling from the one toughest blows there is for a mother, a stroke out of the blue that
leaves us all stunned in disbelief. No matter how many times you go over it in your mind, there's
no understanding suicide. You can guess that there was a lot of turmoil buried there, that those
final hours must have seemed pretty desperate, like there were no alternatives, but you will never
really know because he's gone, silent as the Ozark forest where his ashes have finally settled.
The multitude of friends, ready to listen, never heard his pain because he took it all with him,
leaving only a roomful of painful mysteries for those of us left here alive... A friend I haven't
seen in a while comes over looking for me. There's tears welling in the corners of his eyes, as he
tells me he's living in a nightmare. He needs a break, somewhere to run to, but then his entire
demeanor changes as he mentions his two-year-old daughter. She is his pride and joy, the best thing
he has ever done. She's reason enough to tough it out, face all the difficulties that life has
served up. When he thinks of her, he stands up strong, wants to take on the world, make it a better
place for her. He's already jealous of her first boyfriend.... At a small dinner party outside on a
backyard deck. The sun's been down long enough that the temperature has just become bearable. A ring
of adults and teenagers seated in conversation with a toddler walking around in the middle swaying
like a drunken sailor (Cindy's description), getting attention from each big person in turn. The talk
is stimulated and has a good feeling of realness to it. Since I know a bit about computers, I guess,
someone asks me what I think of the impending year two thousand thing... You know what a self-fulfilling
prophesy is? Well, humankind has gone and made itself a real humdinger.
Some of the computers will go
down, there is little doubt of that. It may not even matter anymore how much of the computer system
actually does go down, people are going to be nervous. You know how stock markets and economies are....
as moody as any drama queen I've ever met. And moving, nay, roaring down the tracks day and night with
the momentum of a freight train. My feeling is that this balance we're in is more precarious than it
looks or than any of us
would care to admit. But I wouldn't worry too much about it. When it all comes down, things are probably
going to change so fast our heads will be spinnin.' Then we'll be getting real real, real fast, hitting
the ground together and learning once and for all how to deal with each other. It's either that or destroy
ourselves in a civil war... Here's where we grab the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy: Don't Panic.
The best
thing to do right now is to build community wherever you are, make friends with your neighbors, learn to
stop calling each other names. When the illusions start to drop away, the bonds of friendship hold, strong
and resilient, our safety net... A friend ponders the dilemma: whether to stick it out in the towns, where
there will be some initial chaos or to run for the hills and risk being stranded in isolation without the
resources or the backup to survive. Some communities, like this one for instance, give you a good feeling,
like it might hold together well in a crisis. If, of course, we can get it together and stop bickering about
things.... As you've probably noticed, I've been on a diversity kick lately. Well get used to it, because it's
going to be my recurring theme for the autumn. I've got this old friend. He's a white guy in his seventies.
We were on a drive, talking about stuff. We ran across the topic of generalizing, and how you can't really
do it based on the appearance of things. "I always stick up for the blacks, he says," and he tells me this
story of when he was fourteen. He and a friend hopped a freight, they jumped into an empty boxcar just as
the train began moving, "and by the time it was up to speed half a dozen blacks had hopped in." He declares,
"Well, those guys took care of us." From freight to freight. One guy even held the young boy as he slept to
keep him falling from their perch in the crevice on the end of a container car. Then, out of the blue he says,
"But it's the Jews I don't like." Arrgh! One step forward, one step back. Come on, Y'all, join in, it's a
dance called the bigotism shuffle. I was expressing some vehemence in support of the Human Dignity Resolution
the other day, and someone asked me if I was gay. I was not surprised nor offended, and I answered simply,
"No, not at all, I just think this issue affects a lot more than just gays, it's really an issue of fairness
and freedom, what America is really all about." Not to say that certain folx aren't making it a gay issue.
Delaney says they're just the Christian right's scapegoat du jour, "last decade it was single mothers." Well
don't ask me about that, I never even met my dad.
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